My Angelic April: Day 1

06:34- Well I’ve been alcohol free since 23:59 last night. That is clearly a lame attempt at humour of course and I do realise for some people that is no joke but right now I feel very positive about the following months challenge. I feel suitably thick headed after 3 small glasses of red last night ( see already in denial) and am keen to get up and “de-thick” myself which will include a hose down, copious amounts of water, “titivating”, a hearty breakfast and a couple of Tesco’s finest paracetamol. So here goes. 1-2-3, I’m up and …. Feeling like I want to crawl back in bed.

08:30- On way to work. Bus crawling. Pissing it down but hey I’ve had a squeezed lemon in hot water, a glass of water and a detox tea the latter being particularly bowfing but hey it’ll be good for me… I think. It’ll help flush all those toxins out. I realise that I could easily fall into the trap of over confidence. This happened every time I tried giving up the fags ( albeit successfully in 2001 but it took a good 4 serious attempts first) the first day confidence, the I can take on anything, the self satisfied smugness that could so easily be pricked like a balloon. I was properly addicted to tobacco though does this mean I am properly addicted to alcohol? Am I equating the two because they are both an addiction for me? I would say no I’m not addicted but having been a typical Scottish social drinker since *coughs with embarrassment* I was 17 ( oh dear! There’s that denial again) ok 16 I have developed a liking for alcohol, a certain tolerance and an expectation that I consume it when in a social situation, relaxing or to help take the edge of stress. In abstaining for the month I want to explore how to combat the feelings of habit in those areas of my life and find the real me in them and enjoy just being.

16:52 – I am sure not every blog post will be this lengthy but well it’s the first day. So I’m on to my fifth coffee of the day but with this one I asked for decaf. How reserved of me! Last thing I need is caffeine addiction. I do think I might naturally have an addictive personality though. There I go again with the addiction word. I would call my alcohol consumption a habit rather than an addiction but I am fully aware how these things can take hold and slip quite easily into something else which is part of my reason for abstaining. I’m seeing it as a refocusing of my drinking, clearing the decks and examining if I want to abstain longer and why or do I want to resume drinking alcohol moderately. Moderately! There is something about that word I don’t like. For me it conjures up oh so careful safe play, weighing up every element before decision making, watching and counting everything you do for fear of reproach from others or even worse yourself. I think I’ve always been a person of extremes. It’s all or nothing. I find moderation hard but then again given the right circumstances I can manage moderation really. I was moderate in 2009 when I lost almost 4 stone in weight and have kept it off ever since. *adopts smug face*

18:42- Bloody hell! Another coffee. Decaf yes but I feel like I’m turning into a jar of Gold Blend. So what would I usually be drinking if I were meeting a friend of an evening and the answer would be most likely wine. So well done me! * smug face again* Think I could run the risk of getting on my own nerves here. Maybe I need to branch out to an Appletizer or a Pelegrino or solpadeine dispersible in a pint of water as I alike in it to. Hang on friend arrived. Bye!

10:07- Home safe and sound after a delightful catch up with friend and now looking forward to a cup of tea and a square of chocolate. 95% dark chocolate at that. It’s been a successful start. I still feel positive and determined to keep to my challenge. How hard can it be? I shall ask myself that on day 23!!!

11:34- Ablutions completed, in bed with new book, first day done and dusted so roll on day 2.

Nighty night!


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