My Angelic April: Day 14

So my kiddies headed off on their holiday today with their dad etc. I usually welcome the few days peace away from the screams, constant fall outs and such but today I feel different. I am really going miss those two. They are my world! As I have said before I am blessed with having a loving, supportive family and the most wonderful friends but these two little creatures are in a league of their own. They are my reason for everything. Now that may sound melodramatic and a tad cheesy but through all my faults ( and I have many) they love me with an unfaltering honest depth I have only really known in them. Before I get too soppy and turn into a blubbing mess – Maximus and Beelzebub: I love you too! We created this ritual for when we say goodbye. It goes like this:

I = point to our eyes
Love = make a heart shape with our hands then place at chest
You = point to person with both pointer fingers
Too = victory v sign with both hands

They both drew a symbol version of it in the sand last summer:


Recently Maximus drew this on my Mothers Day card:


It’s like our family team emblem or crest. It’s special to the three of us.

Today has been good. Lots of positive feelings. After my Day:11 80’s bullet point song list the 80’s song, ‘The Only Way is Up’ feels very appropriate. Can’t believe I’ve just quoted a Yazz song. Sheesh!!

I met with an elderly actor acquaintance that I worked with a few years ago. Having been on the wagon for forty years he was good to talk to. Helpful advice and support. Although my relationship with alcohol is certainly not as significant as his was it did clarify the importance of abstaining, reflecting and taking each day as it comes. Mind you he also wrote a “gangsta style rap” about domestic abuse that he is keen for me to perform so not sure if I can count on his judgment or not 😳I am now two weeks in and feel like I am achieving a lot. I do not know if come May I will try to introduce moderate drinking or not but I am enjoying not thinking ahead but living for now. It’s all there is.

I finished my sunny day with a trip to my most favourite of places. Doctor Neil’s Garden. When I first discovered this exquisite sanctuary not fifteen minutes walk from my flat last summer I knew instantly I was meant to be here. I have joked about it before but truly mean it: this will be the last place I shall visit. When my time comes ( fingers crossed not for decades yet) I want my ashes to be scattered here. Being here makes me feel at peace. When I sit at the pond,


or look out over the loch,


I feel truly content in the knowledge that this will be my final resting place and that makes me happy. Back in the very early 90’s I was a fan of the US tv show ‘Twin Peaks’. When Agent Cooper tasted the cherry pie in the diner he said, ‘This must be where pies go when they die!’

Well right then sitting there looking at the view I felt like a damn mighty fine pie.

Nighty night x


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