So today has been brought to you my the colour -red and the words – rage, fury and frustration. This will be my shortest post by far but today has been one thing after another on top of which I am coming down with a beauty of a cold and quite frankly I’m feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes I get this sense of feeling thwarted. Yup! ‘I could have got away with it if it hadn’t been for those pesky kids!’, Literally!
I do feel though that I am finding my true self more and stopping to feel it. In amongst all the short fuse reactions resulting in exhaustive shouting, rage and eventual emotional release (commonly known as crying like a baby) I am holding the mirror up more and more. I am not hitting the bottle and trying to stuff it into drawers, under carpets, down the sink. I am dealing with me and all the stuff that comes with being me. This has to be a good thing.
Later on in the afternoon I did have a successful meeting regarding a Fringe play and was pleased to be told that they want me. This was a welcome positive and put a spring in my step so I thought I would treat myself and the kids to some dinner out. It was their last night with me till Wednesday as they go back with their Dad tomorrow. Boo hoo!! When I eat out with the kids there always seems to be a series of mishaps, emotional ups and downs and lots of other people being dragged into our little threesome. Beelzebub likes nothing more than befriending the waiter, or another diner or causing a rumpus. So of course the manager and the waiter who was serving our table were led a merry dance by her whilst Maximus was having a breakdown every few minutes because the table wasn’t pressed against his chest enough. Sounds odd? It is odd! He has this thing where when he is sitting at a table to eat he needs to be so tucked in at the table that he might as well have the table medically inserted into his chest cavity. The faffing around of placing his chair so that the back rest was around 6 inches from the edge of the table then he tries to slip himself into the seat keeping the chair and table at the same distance apart is akin to watching contortionist at work. What a bloody pa-lava! It’s enough to turn you to drink but it didn’t. I had an Appletizer and a coffee and enjoyed it muchly. As we were leaving:
Maximus: Mummy do you see those two men at the other table?
Maximus: The Scottish ones.
Me: They weren’t Scottish. They were from Yorkshire.
Maximus: I’m sure they were Scottish.
Me: No. Why do you think so?
Maximus: Because they were quite drunk.
Afterwards as we were going round Tesco getting bits and pieces I found myself standing near the wine and I looked at it for a good twenty seconds. Just like the song I felt ‘Nothing’. Well for today at least and in this it’s a day at a time.
Home at 9.40. After one falling out with Beelzebub regarding the sneaky opening of a new do it yourself bracelet gift which resulted in what seemed like hundreds of tiny beads all over the floor to which I stood on with an alarmed and pissed off yowl I got them to bed. As I was leaving the bedroom I noticed a yellow jotter sticking out the top bunk. I opened it. There on the opened first page was this:
Even through all the turmoil I would never change them. I sometimes can’t see my achievements because of those darn nettles but if I should ever be in doubt I should stop and look at my beautiful, clever, funny children. They are truly the most glorious and wondrous of achievements. I did ok!
Nighty night x