My Angelic April: Day 28

Four weeks today since I last had an alcoholic beverage. Four weeks! I am so encouraged by what I have succeeded in so far. I honestly feel that come Thursday I will want to carry it on so maybe I am heading towards a Miraculous May. As I am realising it’s not the drinking of alcohol so much that’s my issue it’s the reasons behind it. The reasons that a lot of the time subconsciously and habitually spur me on to drink more and more. They are like little duplicitous drink demons emerging from the insecure areas of my mind, tapping into the negativity and falsely promising me to make it all go away for a while. Bloody hell! I don’t half write a load of tosh sometimes. I just write what I feel and think at the time with reflection of course too.

Reflective practises I am finding more and more helpful to look at things and see what were the positive aspects and if negative ones really think about them. In terms of cravings for alcohol or the need to feel drunk; what were the triggers? That’s when a touch of investigative journalism comes in handy.

The facts:

• What was I doing? – was I involved in an activity or situation that for whatever reason could be a trigger?

• Where was I? – location association to feelings that trigger the need to drink?

• When did it happen? – a particular time or date that makes me feel a subconscious or conscious desire to drink.

And then the reaction:

•How did it make me feel and react?

and finally the reflection:

• Why do I think I felt those things that led to the craving?

The thing is with alcohol that it starts off as a psychological addiction. You think for whatever reasons that you require alcohol to help you through something, or to feel happy, confident, or to forget but after a while your body becomes addicted to it and that’s when the real trouble starts. I didn’t want to end up like that. It’s so easy and socially acceptable with alcohol but time and again people can find themselves adrift in a place they don’t want to be but getting out of the ever increasing deep water seems impossible.

Well I will confess that I am a weak swimmer and need a fair amount of support and encouragement to get to any water based destination. However, I know when to blow my whistle or put my hand up. The rope has been thrown out to me and I’m holding on tight. Hello dry land!

Nighty night x

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