It is 08.09 and I am in Starbucks and feeling fairly stressed. The ridiculous amount of icing sugar on my almond croissant coupled with my red coat is making me look like a cocaine addled Santa Claus with Parkinson’s. No disrespect to to Parkinson’s sufferers or cocaine users. Santa? Meh! He’s got big shoulders. What’s more irritating is the woman standing at the counter speaking in third circle in a Brian Blessed booming voice. I don’t give a monkeys do da if you’ve always wanted to go on a road trip. Why don’t you and do us all a favour? Ohm…..
Later: So my day at work went fine. I was in a different location this morning and walked through The Meadows on my way to my afternoon destination. It was a beautiful sunny day and when my mindfulness app bell chimed ( told you I was turning all zen) I stopped and took the moment in. It looked glorious. The green lush grass, blue sky and the pale pink cherry blossom.
Edinburgh really is an inspiring city. I am blessed to call it home. In that moment I felt an inner safety being there. Everything familiar. Every laden with memories. Everything safe. Most of my life up till 25 had involved these meadows. I used to walk across them to go to school, my friends houses and just to sit in them or walk around. So many memories. Today at work the word ‘evocative’ was being worked on with some pupils from the school I was working at. It’s meaning and description of things that can be evocative. Whether it be tasting a Parma violet makes me think of the time I went to the seaside and had my first Knickerbocker Glory; the smell of cleaning fluids in the school toilets made me think of the hospital when my kids were born; listening to the woman’s loud talking in Starbucks agitated me because it made me think of my mum nagging me when a teenager; seeing the cherry blossom on the trees made me think of being 15 ( not sure why but it did); the touch of my friends new cushion covers made me think of Max’s cosy blanket when he was first born. All the senses can evoke memories in us both good and bad. So standing at the cash point and looking at the shop that had signage saying:
I saw the last three words and immediately I had a feeling of being drunk and it feeling good and exciting and wanting to make that feeling a reality then I remembered I am not drinking and then for an instant I felt sad. The sense of sight had evoked the memory. I stayed with it and let it live. Then as quickly as it came it was gone.
It is now April 30th. The last day of my 30 day abstinence pledge. I don’t see it as the end. Like the cherry blossom that will float off leaving the trees buds ripe to grow is am I.
This is only the beginning.
Nighty night x