My Angelic April: Day 30

I have reached my target of abstaining from alcohol for 30 days. Hoorah!!! The past month has truly been insightful, fulfilling, soul searching and at times bloody hard but I’ve done it. It will be interesting to read over the past 30 days and will help to inform where I am now.

So where do I go from here? One thing’s for sure I don’t feel I want to or really can drink at this point. I think if I were to drink alcohol tomorrow I would slip back in no time to the old habit and need. I don’t think I want to risk it. So where does that leave me? Am I now a teetotaller? On the wagon? Does this confirm that I indeed have a specific drink related problem? One thing this past month is helping understand is the importance of the here and now. It helps when the cravings take hold and helps me focus on what is happening at that time that is making me feel the need to drink. So let’s have a look at the good and bad points about having abstained for 30 days.

BAD

• cravings
• sleep pattern change
• feeling like I won’t cope without it in social situations

GOOD

• quality of sleep improved
• saved money
• skin clearer
• haven’t given in to knee jerk reactions ( I refer to Day: 11’s 1980’s bullet point song list yet again)
• I feel in control
• I’ve got more energy
• I can remember more
• generally look healthier
• lost a pound or two

Looking at these lists I can see that the good definitely out ways the bad. It’s a no brainer on paper but in reality to sustain it will be the difficult thing. I still feel unsure about drinking alcohol again as I truly feel moderation isn’t the answer for me , well maybe not at this stage. I set out to abstain for 30 days, for the whole month, My Angelic April and I’ve succeeded. I’ve not had a single drop ( unless the amaretto coffee I had at work two weeks ago I’d cheating) and I am really pleased with myself. In fact I would go so far as to say I’m proud of myself. I don’t give myself enough credit. In my 44 years thus far I’ve:

Been born, in total so far lived in 16 houses ( one on 3 different occasions so 18), attended 4 schools, had two big loves, lived in London 6 years, went to drama school, had 11 jobs, had two miscarriages, had two children, been divorced, had a domineering grandmother, never passed my driving test, been diabetic, broken two toes, gained my independence, depression, wore an Olympic medal, won £10 on the lottery on it’s very first Saturday, almost had a third big love but had a narrow escape, been a bridesmaid twice, sung in workman’s clubs, and been sick into my handbag. The last one I might add was down to copious amounts of alcohol. So not all plain sailing.

So if I make it what will the next 44 years bring and more importantly how do I want to live those years. I want to watch my children grow up into young adults full of opinions, choices and to feel confident and know how much they are loved. That always. It is so important to know that you are loved. I want them to forge their own way in life and never to feel they need to cover up who they are. I want them to understand the meaning of true friendship and how wonderful and fulfilling it is and can last a lifetime. I want them to listen to others and really hear what it is they are saying. I want them to acknowledge anger as a part of the human condition but not let it take them over.  I want them to be fiercely loyal and courageously principled. I want them to respect themselves and others. I want them to smile and laugh every day of their lives and embrace fun. I just want them to be.

 

And as for me? Well in order to see all of those things I need to just be me too, one day at a time.

Welcome Miraculous May!

Nighty Night x

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s