I’ve got the fear. I am seriously thinking of joining some friends tonight for their birthday celebrations but historically we were all big drinkers together hence my apprehension. Am I ready to be in a drinking environment? Should I stay away? Or should I go and be strong and if I feel it’s getting tough leave? Or can I limit myself to 3 drinks tops? NO!!!! See I’m talking myself round. If I allow myself 3 drinks after almost 5 weeks of abstinence my tolerance will be lower. I will then get considerably drunker than I normally would of which is where the problems start. My reasoning will be skewed and I’ll allow myself more. There we have it… The proverbial slippery slope.
Of course the question is why can I not go out without the debate regarding alcohol. I wouldn’t question myself in other situations but with this one I feel it will be much harder. I need to do this. I need to go and just be me.
Midnight and I’m just home. I have had a great time tonight and not a drop of alcohol passed my lips. My friends were very supportive and actually made them think about how much they drink. One of them wasn’t drinking too which was good for me. I never felt left out, on a different wave length or bored. I laughed, talked, listened and danced all without any alcohol and I spent £4.50. I am really chuffed!
One of my pals asked me if I thought I’d drink again and another was quick to reply, ‘she will’ in a way that felt like she meant once I feel in control of it again I will. Thing is being sober is me being in control. I’m not sure I have control when I drink or at least the control is weakened. If tonight is anything to go by I can’t see the need to drink alcohol again.
However, I am still very aware that I need to take a day at a time and right now as I’m typing I’ve just slipped into day 35. That’s 5 weeks now. I’m doing ok.
Nighty night x
P.S To my friend L.C, hope all’s ok.