My Miraculous May: Day 12

Six weeks without alcohol. Six weeks!! On Saturday Beelzebub asked me how many weeks she has been alive. Kids have the knack of making the macabre sound normal. I quickly calculated in Carol Vorderman style – 362. Looking smug that my mental maths were still in good shape she then asked me how many weeks I had been alive. Hmmm… A little trickier and I may need to call on some papyrus and a quill.

* some minutes later *

Here we have it. To date I have been alive for – drum roll please-

2,307 weeks.

So out of that this 6 week period amounts to – 0.26007802% of my life thus far. Feck! Hardly seems worth it considering roughy 1,456 minus roughly 96 weeks for pregnancies ( no I don’t hold the crown for the longest gestation period known in a human- think about it) I have been actively and regularly drinking alcohol. Who said numbers were a beautiful thing?

However, that small percentage at this moment is everything. It could be the largest most infinite number in the universe. That 6 weeks- 42 days- 1008 hours- 60,480 minutes- 3,628,800 seconds is my present, my here and now and with every letter that I type it gets bigger and more infinite.

Time can be a tricky concept in how it can move both fast and slow. Young children have no real understanding of the passage of time although at times they can be obsessed with it. Every day last week Beelzebub asked me if it was 3pm yet so much so that I though I was in a KLF video ( albeit 3 AM!) – sheesh showing my age again. I would have been approximately  1,140 weeks old when that single was out.

Talking about ages and time it reminds me of a tale involving my Nana. It was about four years before  she passed away so she would have been ….. actually I won’t bother …. and we were all playing a family game which the “ex” had invented called The Birthday’s Game. The idea was that he had a list of 20 famous people that are now dead. You were to guess as to how old they would be if still alive today. So it involved a rough historical knowledge of the time they were alive and then a guess as to how old. Some were obviously easier than others and some not so. If anyone managed to get spot on they got 10 points, within 10 years 5 points and then 0 for anything other. Now one of my Nana’s catchphrases ( as she had more than Bruce Forsyth) was ” I know everything about history” a statement which I challenged her on relentlessly much to her chagrin. In this particular game there was one character from history which when she gave her answer I nearly aspirated on my gin. The said person was Joan of Arc. My Nana conferring with herself hummed and hawed and finally came up with her answer of ,

‘Joan of Arc? She must be at least 96’.

or 4,992 weeks old. Funnily the same age as herself. Always the eternal egocentric.

Nighty night x

Ps day 42


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