Well I wasn’t going to post tonight but yesterday was 7 weeks but today is 50 days. I’m not one for self congratulating but well done me. After another epic journey to the The Gyle shopping centre ( truth be known I am exaggerating a tad. It involved two buses there and back plus a costa coffee hardly ‘Homers Odyssey’) I managed to buy the much sought after Elsa doll ( or as they pronounced it in the film Ailsa) from ‘Frozen’ plus her sister Anna ( or Uhnna?) for good measure. Back of the net Mama or Muhma?
Look here’s the proof:
There will be one very happy girl coming home tomorrow and one very relieved mum.
I have been reading a fair bit about mindfulness lately. The idea of redirecting our neural pathways or creating new ones really interests and makes sense to me whether it be habits or patterns of behaviour. If won’t happen over night but if you want to change the way you react, feel or behave that with certain mindfulness techniques you can aid this happening. Now to some it may sound like mumbo jumbo but there is physiological evidence for it as well. When certain chemicals are released in our brain i.e. Seretonin for happiness or adrenaline for fear they fire along neural pathways that have been formed from repetitive responses. Like a stream flowing down a hill over time due to the consistent repetitive trajectory an indent, crevasse or valley is formed but if it were dammed the water would need to find a new route and in time would create a new indent. Our brains are the same. It is not a hard mass that is unmovable in its form but a soft malleable shape changer that is open to being what you want it to be but you have to want it. Only you can mould the brain putty. Only you can forge the way.
I have many pathways that could do with a change of direction ( haven’t we all?) and some that haven’t been walked enough but focussing on my relationship with alcohol has been an enlightening one. Some associative paths were set in stone like some ancient roads walked along so many times they are forever there but with a lot of work on myself, honesty and courage I am creating a new pathway. When I find myself having the old feelings related to alcohol I am getting fairly good at redirecting them down another route. This new path is much lighter, peaceful and a happier place to be. Over the last 50 days the work I have put in is paying off. Still a day at a time and still not sure if I will drink again but if I do it will be when I know for sure I am totally ready to enjoy that drink in more open and sunny path and not down a dark alley.
I’m learning that there is no sense in dwelling on what ifs and could have beens. We need to make every moment count. If you’re not content or happy do your very best to make a change. Listen to your instincts something I have learnt a lot over last few months. Be kind to others but be kind to yourself too. Everything happens for a reason. We can’t change what’s been.
I don’t want my life to be about regret. I want it to be alive and have the courage to act on instinct because in the blink of an eye it could be gone.
Nighty night x
p.s It will never be too late x