At last a beautiful day! The sun was shining, the kids were happy and the Mr Whippy money grabbers were out in full force. Maybe I’m getting old but £6.90 for 3 small cones. Ok two did have chocolate flakes but even so. I mean it’s a tricky business “play parking” on your own with kids. No other adult to look after them whilst you have yet another bladder break. Nope! You’ve all got to go in convoy along with all your belongings only to return to some squad of people in your third spot of a 90 minute stay so far. Then there’s the random children that wander over to you drinking out of the sunscreen lotion bottle and not an adult in sight for them.
‘No darling! Don’t drink that!’ Whilst I craned round in the hope of seeing the responsible adult who they were with. I saw a large group resembling the cast of ‘The Hills Have Eyes’ just smiling over at me. I laughed nervously, the child making no move to leave me and carried on knocking back the Piz Buin. Eventually she toddled back to her herd. Mind you at least she had bloody sunscreen! Like the Queen I never carry money or Ambre Solaire. It’s a poor show when my mothering skills are trumped by a family of mutants. Someone call social services!!
After much pleading I tried to formulate a strategy of purchasing the ice creams ensuring that:
• The kids were safe and in eye distance of me at van
• That they actually didn’t come with me because then I would be railroaded into purchasing chocolate sprinkled Italian style cones, with large scoops, flakes, sauce, wafers topped off with a semi precious stone.
• That I made it to the van and back without further foot crippilage. Day one of sandals and I was already in the agony.
• Made sure I was there before that group of after school club kids reached it. I mean where the feck did they appear from?
• Actually had enough money!!
‘Right! Both of you stay here, look after the bags and do not move. I can see you and if you move and I cannot see you I will abandon the transaction and limp back’.
So after getting as much as I could for the £7 I hobbled back with dripping cones starting one of those embarrassing trot like walks and making noises like, ‘ooh!’ and ‘oooohhhh!!!’ and ‘sshhiiiittttt!!’.
Having licked half the ice cream off each cone so as not to end up looking like I’d had been in an emulsion explosion I made it back and was met with exclaims of, ‘ Only vanilla?!’ and ‘ No sprinkle cone?’ and ‘ Why is half of mine missing?’
After taking a moment to calm myself and feeling relieved that they couldn’t see my Ming the Merciless glare behind my River Island Jackie O glasses I said to myself… ‘ Oh bugger off!!!’ but outwardly shrugged my shoulders and said ‘ anyone for a wine gum?’
That my friends is the nearest I have been to alcohol in almost 10 weeks. Trouble is… I think I’ve now got a gelatine addiction!
Nighty night x
Ps 67 days