My Jolly July: Day 22

First two days of rehearsals done and dusted for Fringe play. Should be good. This is however, another scenario where I usually would be indulging in alcoholic beverages afterwards. It’s part of the ritual. Rehearse all day, drinks copious amounts of coffee and consume far too many biscuits then top it off with a nice relaxing glass ( oh alright bottle) of red. Not this time though although the notion did pop into my head yesterday but happily popped back out again pretty swiftly. Rehearsals finished early today so I made my way to my favourite place. On entering the grass lawn that precludes the gate to the Doctor Neil’s I noticed a marquee and around 20 garden chairs. Of course a theatre company use the garden for its outdoor fringe shows during August and of course need to rehearse in the weeks leading up to it.

Bastards! How dare they infiltrate my place. Bloody actors!

Realising that I was tottering on the edge of obsessional lunacy I walked past said marquee and chairs to find the lone goose again. It had an air of bemusement about it which I could strangely relate to in the moment. We stopped, respectfully looked at each other then with a waddle he turned to head down towards the open field and I carried on to the gate.

I spent around a couple of hours there thinking about force. Yes strange for me to be contemplating a law of physics but in a more emotional sense. What drives us on through life? Pushes us forward? What’s our force?

In physics force is described as:

Any external effort that causes an object to undergo a change, either concerning it’s movement, direction or geometrical construction.

We are all a mass of particles that can change shape and adapt to given situations- depending on what substance you are made from. Some are harder than others and some softer. I thought about the character that I am playing (Dinah) and what substance she is made from. Stoic, often stern, determined, strong, robust, weathered, indestructible, a constant, uncomplicated, earthy but given the right conditions can be melted showing a softer core. Iron. I think she is iron.

But what of me? What metal am
I ? If a metal at all. Well I’m adaptable, often determined, earthed but equally starry eyed, strong, constant, resilient, shiny on the surface, darker underneath, malleable, both uncomplicated and complex, a bit dense on occasion but clever on others. Argh!!!

We are all amade up from different elements but for me I think I’m possibly an alloy metal:

A metal made by combining two or more metallic elements, especially to give greater strength or resistance to corrosion

A mixture, not one nor the other but both. Pushing and pulling but always together in its mass. Alloyed together or even allied. None of us are only one thing. We are all made up from different parts and we grow and change through life. Some people are more rooted in their metal (Dinah) whose base metal is iron but has a heart of gold and others are constantly changing, evolving, recycling. Doesn’t sound as exciting as some but I think I’m an aluminium foil. Why? Well:

I’m protective so is foil, I can spread warmth so can foil , I can shield so can foil, I can be creative so can foil, I can envelop so can foil, I can be shiny so can foil, I can be more muted so can foil, I can be useful so can foil.

Have I really compared myself to tin foil? Perhaps along with:

A soupçon of silver,
a garnish of gold,
a slather of steel
and if truth really told

A pinch of platinum
A trickle of tin
A crumble of copper
Yet more to go in

A tipple of titanium
A brush of brass
A pepper of palladium
Make up this lass.

With zinc and nickel
Rhodium and tin
Magnesium and iron
Yet to go in.

These elements are me
And yet so much more
With iron in my blood
At my very core.

So life’s forces push and pull our very metal and challenge us. Some are rigid in their form. My Nana was that. She was steel. She would have given The Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher a right doing mind you personally I would have applauded that one. Me? I’m a mixture, a compound, an alloy. I thank the metal in me that I am malleable. With life’s forces I need to be.

Nighty night x

Ps 113 days

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